BSMurphy

If there is a will and a cow, then there is a whey.  

I really admire USB for continuing to invent products year after year in which you can never tell which way to plug it in.

I think the glass is half empty of air cause the f-in water is in the way!

I L T V X A Y H K N Z F E W M J U S C O Q G D P R B I came up with this about a year ago.  I forgot to post the reasoning behind this new order… The letters are sorted by the shape of the uppercase [...]

Hay buy the whey,

I’ve got what it takes to be a successful comedian, I already have the skill of not laughing at my own jokes.

I’m sorry to the ******* ** ********** to what I may have or may not have said on stage/off stage and in public or private. However, I would like to say, that I do like the Instructions to *********: “Use as much as you like!”

Celery is my favorite thing that rots in the refrigerator. That might not be a joke, it’s a true statement.  Other things get mold and smell.  Celery just goes limp.

A guy walked into a Barbara, and he said “pardon me”.

The airlines won’t let me take things like “shovels” and they check my ID, so… Now I travel underground.